The First Time
by Faith No More
Summary: Grace talks about something that happened between her and Eli,what led up to it and where do they go from there?**My last chapter is up. Thanks guys. :o)
1. The Last missed Chance

*This is my first story I hope you like it. **I do not own any of the characters here.  
  
I don't know how it happened and I still do not believe it did happen but here I am so I guess I must have done it. If you had told me two weeks ago that I would no longer be a virgin I would not have believed it and if you told me who I lost my virginity to I would have laughed in your face but it happened and now I don't know how it happened or how to act. Well I mean I know how it happened but I don't. You know what I mean? It started simple enough a week before Halloween. We had our first real frost so I had wrapped my jacket tighter around myself waiting for Eli to come out of the Garage to take Jessie and me to school. Jessie was smiling I am sure it was because she had talked to Katie who had been sick with a cold but was finally coming back to school. Jessie had really missed her. I on the other hand was not so happy. I had just broken up with Jeremy who was my summer romance so I should have known that when we went back to school it would end. We had met at Booklovers where I had worked for the summer to make some extra money. He came in wanting a copy of Catcher In The Rye and a double espresso. We started talking and he came in everyday after that to talk. Next thing I knew we were dating and I was happy. Jeremy was cute.not Eli cute but bookworm cute with ruffled hair and wire- rimmed glasses. Was I in love with him? Not really but that is beside the point. I mean no one likes to get dumped. It didn't help that he dumped me for a perky blonde from the pep squad named Brittany, who by the way was the exact type of girl he told me he could not stand all summer. While I was mulling all this over as I leaned against the car Eli came up next to me and snapped his fingers in my ear. "Earth to Grace, come in Grace." I looked at him and frowned. "I am here Eli, I am here." I mumbled getting into the front seat. Jessie climbed into the back and turned on the radio merrily singing along to the song that was on. I didn't say anything so Eli spoke "Are you still moping over what's his name?" He asked. I leaned my head against the window and sighed dramatically. I tend to be very dramatic. "His name is Jeremy and I am not moping over him." "Well that is good to know because he was not worth it. He was a little jerk." "Yeah he really was." Jessie said from the back seat even though she really did not even see him much since she had spent a lot of time at her moms and a lot of time with Katie this summer. It was still nice of her to say so I thanked her. We all were silent the rest of the way to school. As we pulled up Jessie had the door open before Eli had stopped the car. "Geeze, Jess wait for me to stop!" He said as Jessie got out slamming the door behind her. I opened the door to get out when Eli grabbed my arm "Wait a sec Grace," he said. I could feel the heat of his hand through my suede coat. After all this time I still cared about him. "Jeremy was stupid not too see what was in front of him so stop letting him get you down." I looked at him the autumn sun streaming through the window making the high lights in his hair sparkle and my heart jumped in my throat. I then remembered all the missed chances between us, chances that he let go by and my heart hardened. "Some people never do see what is in front of them do they?" I said as I pulled my arm away and got out of the car. I swear I could feel his eyes burning into my back. My day went from bad to worse. Mr. Dimitri had left to teach at a school in Sunny CA so I was left without my favorite teacher and the new drama teacher seemed to care less about us and everything about play she was writing. She had us sit in the theater reading a play to ourselves! Plays are not meant to be read alone, they are meant to be shared; at least that is what Mr. Dimitri always said. So I didn't read I spent my time thinking about Eli and the lost chances between us. The last one had happened last summer right before I started dating Jeremy...  
  
(Flash back)  
  
It was really hot for June and the AC was broke making it unbearable in the house. Mom and Rick had gone to Sears to get a new one. Zoe was at her best friend Cali's house and Jessie was with Katie somewhere. I sat outside in a lounge chair in a tank top and cut offs reading and drinking lemonade. All of the sudden the sprinklers went on soaking my new book and me. I jumped up and yelped splashing lemonade all over me. Then I heard it, laughing!! I turned around and there stood Eli laughing at me! He had turned on the sprinklers. "Look what you did!!! You ruined my new book!" I said throwing it at him. He ducked "Come on Grace you can get a new one for free your dad owns a book store!" "That doesn't matter Eli I was reading it now." I continued on yelling at him when I noticed he had a weird look on his face and he was just staring at my chest. I looked down and noticed that my white tank top was now see through. I crossed my arms over my chest and we looked at each other a silence growing between us. I felt warm all over from the look he gave me. I spun on my heel to head into the house but instead of making a dramatic exit like I had planned I slipped on the wet grass and crashed on my back! Eli ran over to me reaching down to help me up and I grabbed his hand and yanked him down, he fell on top of me. We both lay there for a second him on top of me our noses almost touching and the he did it.he kissed me. I had never been kissed like that before, it started out soft his lips barely touching mine and then it grew and he was kissing me hard and deep. I had wanted this for so long, since the first time I saw him really and now it was happening. I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair and he whispered my name softly between kisses and that is what did it. He realized what was happening and pulled back. "This can not happen." He said and jumped up leaving me lying there. He turned and walked away, stopping to turn off the sprinklers before he went into the garage. I sat on the wet grass my fingers to my swollen lips feeling the kisses lingering on them. That was the last missed chance. 


	2. Never Again

The ringing bell brought me out of my memories. I was glad for that since I could not bear to sit there anymore thinking about that hot summer day. I could never shake those kisses no matter how much I tried. I remember that when Jeremy kissed me the first time I just thought to myself "That was nothing compared to Eli, nothing at all." Now that I think about it I wonder why I even dated Jeremy. He was a nice guy but really I was in love with Eli and even though I had tried to fight it forever because of Rick and Mom but I was never able to. I cared about Carla and she was my best friend but even then while she dated him I knew that Eli was mine in my heart. To hold someone in your heart and love them when they don't love you is the hardest thing in the world. But Eli was there so ingrained in me that I could not erase him no matter how I tried.  
  
Jessie came up beside me, Katie on the other side, since I had found out about Jessie and Katie I had became close to them. They actually became my friends. It was funny since Jessie and I had at one time so many unresolved issues but I really care about her now and I like that she has a great person like Katie in her life. I wish Jessie could just tell the world but right now she can't and that is so sad. For now no one knew except for Eli and us and he had just found out recently. They were talking to me about a movie they were going to see in Chicago that night. I tried to act interested but I just couldn't get Eli off my mind. I did not know what to say to him and I knew he was going to be out in the parking lot waiting to take us home right now. Well, I guess I don't know anything.. Rick was waiting for us. I sighed when I saw him with a mixture of relief and disappointment.  
  
Luckily I didn't have to talk much on the way home because Katie and Jessie were busy talking to each other and Rick spent the drive home talking about Mom's latest sonogram. He had baby on the brain nonstop since he found out she was pregnant. I guess that was good for me because I certainly could not talk to Rick about my unrequited love for his son now could I? I just do not see that conversation going well.. "So Grace you is in love with my son, your step brother? Well that is just peachy keen!" Yeah I am sure that is how it would go.  
  
Late that night I was sitting on the couch watching an old movie and eating popcorn when Eli walked in. He stood there looking at me his hands in his pockets. "What do you want?" I asked sounding far bitchier than I had intended. I sometimes sound far harsher then I mean to. As a defense perhaps? He winced a little at the tone in my voice. "I just wanted to come in and talk to you for a second about this morning." I looked at the TV "What is there to talk about? I think that last summer you said everything that could be said." "Grace you are not being fair to me." he let the sentence trail off when he realized I was shutting him out. I heard the door shut softly as he left. Why do I do that? Why can't I just say the things I want to say to him?  
  
(Flash back)  
  
Eli did not talk to me about what happened. I kept waiting for him to come and say something to me, anything but he didn't. Instead he rarely talked to me at home. At Book Lovers things were different, there he would talk to me and joke with me. We had a really nice time but on the ride there and home he said nothing to me. Just the radio to stop the complete silence. Then came 4th of July. I had just started seeing Jeremy we had been on two dates and had planned to make the holiday the third date but his family insisted that he go to WI with them. Mom and Rick decided that a picnic at the lake would be the best way to spend the day. They wanted a real family day and had made Jessie come even though she had wanted to spend it with Katie. It was a typical 4th with kids screaming, sweaty people and the smell of hamburgers and hot dogs in the air. Eli was not very happy about going and he had made it clear. He complained the whole day. Zoe had begged Jessie to ride home with her, Mom and Rick and even though she did not want to she agreed anyway to make Zoe happy. That meant me and Eli had to ride home alone. That was the last thing I wanted was to spend an hour and a half with him ignoring me.  
  
The car was silent for about ten minutes when he leaned over and turned on the radio. I had enough so I turned it off. He turned it back on and I turned it off. I looked through the windshield and saw that Mom and Rick were far ahead of us. "Stop it Grace!" he yelled and turned it back on. "No!!" I yelled back and turned it off. He quickly pulled the car over. "What the Hell is your problem?" He asked. "Nothing!" I snapped and got out of the car. I just started walking. I don't know if I thought I was going to walk all the way home or what but I sure did not plan to spend any more time in that car with Eli. I was so mad because he refused to really talk to me. I could hear him behind me walking fast to catch up to me. He grabbed my arm and turned me around. "What is wrong with you?" I looked up at him in disbelief "Wrong with me?" I could not believe he asked me that. "Wrong with me?" I asked again. "We kissed and not just a little peck but a real kiss and more than one. I felt something, something real didn't you?" He let go of my arm and stepped back. "I can't talk about this." He said turning and walking towards the car. This time it was me who went after him and grabbed his arm. "You think I don't know that? I have waited for you to talk to me about it and you have yet to say anything to me. You are fine when we are at work. You talk to me and tease me and then say nothing the rest of the time unless you have to and I don't understand why!" I felt tears on my cheeks and I hated it but was grateful for the dark because it was able to hide me somewhat. I didn't want him to see me crying. "Didn't you feel something Eli?" I asked again. "This has been there between us for a long time now. So tell me that you felt it too." So there I was opening my heart to him letting him see it for the first time and he responded with silence and then he answered me "No Grace not like you, not like you." He turned and headed back to the car and my heart lay there open on the side of the road.  
  
I shook my head to shake off that memory. I look around the dark living room the old movie still on the TV and Eli nowhere in sight. I sighed and turned off the TV. When I got upstairs I turned off my light and sat by the window looking out at the garage. I could see the shadows of him moving and when I opened the window I could hear his guitar softly playing. My heart felt like it was breaking all over again like it did that night on the side of the road but I would not let myself get hurt again. Never again. 


	3. What have I got to lose?

*I just wanted to thank you all for the good reviews. This being my first story I was very nervous but you guys have made me feel great so thanks loads!!!(  
  
I spent the next morning in my room not wanting to see Eli. I just did not know what to say to him. I so wanted to sit down next to him and talk, really talk to him about everything but I knew it would not solve anything. He made that clear to me. He did not feel the way I did. Now he wanted to talk and I just could not bring myself to do it. How could I sit there and listen to how he thought of me as his sister and nothing more? I could not have my heart broken once again. I opened myself up to him and look what it got me, nothing but heartbreak. I could hear him in the back yard with Jessie and Zoe raking leaves. I walked to the window and watched him for a moment. He looked up at me and smiled lifting his hand to wave and then thinking better of it and putting his hand down. He looked so beautiful with the amber light shining on him. I wanted to go down there and throw myself into his arms. I wanted to feel his lips on mine again his mouth warm and welcoming. Why could I not shake these feelings? Even Jeremy noticed something he had commented on it more than once.  
  
(Flash Back)  
  
Late August and we were in the dog days of summer. The leaves on the trees had started to droop. It seemed that everything and everyone did this time of year. Judy sat at a table looking through a bride magazine planning her winter wedding to Sam. I was pretending to listen to her but I was really watching Eli flirt with a tall blonde girl who had come in for a book about Kurt Cobain. I was so busy staring at them that I didn't even notice that Jeremy had come in until he blocked my view of them by standing in front of me. I looked up at him and smiled. "Hey there" I said and smiled. "I didn't see you there." He looked down at me "Yeah I noticed that." I jumped up and gave him a hug as he wrapped his arms around me I looked over at Eli again over his shoulder. Eli looked at me and then went back to talking to the girl. Jeremy pulled away and asked if I wanted to go out that night but I suggested that he come over since Mom and Rick were going over to Judy's place to talk about the wedding. Zoe was going to be at Dad's while both Jessie and Eli were spending the night at Karen's. Jeremy thought that would be a great idea and we made the plans.  
  
That night we sat on the couch making out. "Excuse me!" We jumped apart fast. There stood Eli. "What do you two think you are doing?" He asked. " You are not my father so it is really none of your business!" I snapped. "It is so my business you are my step sister!" "Yeah and that just makes it perfect for you doesn't it?" I asked. "What is that supposed to mean Grace?" He asked. " Oh come on Eli you know what it means!" "Uh.excuse me but I think maybe I should go." Jeremy said looking from me to Eli and then back at me. "No I am the one who should go." Eli said and walked out of the room. "What exactly was going on here?" Jeremy asked me. "Nothing." I said bending over to pick up a pillow that had fallen on the floor. "Are you sure Grace? I mean this seemed very strange. I know that Eli is your step brother but you guys were really angry, there seemed to be more going on there." I laughed. If he only knew!! "There is nothing weird going on honestly it was just that he was not supposed to be here and he surprised me. That is it really." He took my hands in his "Grace, if there is anything you want to tell me you can. You know that right?" I smiled "Sure I do Jeremy and there is really nothing going on that you need to worry about." He smiled at me and gave me a quick kiss. "Okay then. I guess I might as well head home now because our night is pretty much done now don't you think?" I told him I agreed and walked him to the door.  
  
After saying goodbye I went into the kitchen to get a glass of juice. "So he left huh?" I jumped. Eli was sitting in the dark at the table. "Yeah he left thanks to you. What did you think you were doing?" I asked and poured myself a glass of juice. "I was watching out for you. What were YOU doing?" He asked. "What do you think I was doing? You have eyes you saw me." "Yeah Grace I do have eyes and I did see. I don't think you should be doing that." "Doing that? Are you kidding me? I know for a fact you do far worse than that!" I slammed my glass on the counter and juice splashed everywhere. He walked over so that he was on the other side of the counter. I grabbed a dishrag and began to wipe up the juice up. He took the rag from my hand our fingers brushing together and even in my anger I felt a chill. "Yeah I do a lot worse but I am also a guy and it's different." He said. "Don't even give me this bull shit and cut out the brotherly concern it does not suit you." "What did you mean in there?" He asked. "About what?" I asked. "About it being perfect for me.you being my step sister." "Do I need to make it any clearer? You made a mistake when you kissed me and now you have the perfect excuse to brush it under the rug." He came around to my side of the counter. "It was not an excuse. I admit you and I have had moments. The near kiss the day of Dad's and Lily's wedding was one of them but we both knew that was a mistake. We were both feeling sad about Carla and that was what it was." He put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "What about the kisses that we shared? What were they? Carla has been gone a very long time now." "It was a moment Grace that is all. A moment. There was nothing to it. I do care about you and I want to be your friend. We were good friends for a while." "Your right we were." I whispered, afraid to talk any louder in case my voice betrayed me. "Then let's be friends again okay?" He said softly. "I would like that." I said as he pulled me in for a hug. I felt his arms around me tight and I pressed my face against his chest breathing in his scent which was a mixture soap and an after shave I did not know the name of but was from then on always known to me as Eli's after shave whenever I smelled it on anyone else. The hug just seemed to last and last neither of us pulling away until Mom and Rick came in. We quickly pulled apart as Mom walked into the kitchen first. She gave us an odd look. "So did you have a nice time at Judy's?" I asked a little too brightly. "Yes we did. This is going to be a very nice wedding but I honestly do not know how we all will Survive it and I do not understand how she thinks I will be able to fit into the Dress she has picked out for me to wear." Mom said rubbing her still flat tummy. Rick wrapped his arms around her. "You will look beautiful there is no way you can't." He said. I excused myself and went up to bed.  
  
A knock at my door made me jump. "It's me Jessie can I come in?" she asked through the door. "Yeah come on in." She walked in smiling her cheeks were red from the chill in the air. She had a leaf stuck to her red sweater. "You should come outside and have some fun with us." She said walking over to the bed and sitting down next to me. "Eli wanted to know if you felt like joining us." I shrugged and stood up. "Alright what have I got to lose?" I asked as we headed downstairs to rake leaves. 


	4. Good Night Eli

*Thanks again for the reviews !!! I am a little late with this chapter and I may be late tomorrow because I write Summaries for both Buffy and Angel. I will try and get the next one up within a day or two. Let me just say I am glad to see other Grace and Eli fans.  
  
The weekend before Halloween.I am sitting at the table having breakfast with Zoe, Jessie and Eli. Zoe is going on about Dad and Tiffany taking her and her friend Cali to Great America today. She was so excited she was could not even stop talking. Jessie had managed to talk Eli into taking her and Katie to the country for the day. The were going to Vintner's Apple house and then going on a hay ride and maybe even a bon fire after that. I had no plans at all. That is the life of a teenage girl with no boyfriend and not much of a social life.  
  
Dad and Tiffany came in. Tiffany was holding Maddie who was sucking her thumb. "Hey guys." Dad said. Zoe got up and ran over to Dad wrapping her arms around his waist. "Daddy, you are the best Dad in the world!" She exclaimed. "He hugged her back "Yeah I know the very best whenever I am doing something you want!" He laughed. "Where are your Mom and Rick?" He asked. "Mom is still in bed she is feeling really tired and Rick is out with Sam somewhere, I think they were meeting a client." I said before taking a bite of the strawberry muffin I was holding. "Okay then I guess it can wait. We are buying a house and I wanted to ask Rick what he thought about adding a green house to it for Tiffany. I guess I can call him later. What are you doing today Gracie?" I hate when he calls me that. I feel like I am a little kid again. "I am just going to hang out around the house today." I said and took another bite of my muffin. "You haven't been doing much since you broke up with that kid Jerry have you?" "His name is Jeremy and maybe Grace just wants to take a break. There is no reason to jump into another relationship so quick." Eli said. We all looked at him. "Well anyway Grace would like to go with us today?" Dad asked. I was still looking at Eli. "Grace, do you want to come?" He asked again. I looked over at Dad. "Well, I guess .I mean I don't have anything else to do." The last thing I wanted to do was hang out with Zoe, her friend plus a baby. "She is going to spend the day with us." Eli said. "Yeah Grace how could you forget?" Jessie said. I smiled at them both. "Yeah I did forget. I better go upstairs and change." I shoved the rest of the muffin into my mouth and gulped down my glass of milk and waved bye to Dad and Tiffany as I ran out of the room.  
  
I looked out the open window at the trees covered in red and gold leaves as we drove. The radio was playing and life seemed great. Katie and Jessie sat in the back seat holding hands and talking. I sat in the front next to Eli. We weren't talking but that was fine. It was a comfortable silence. Every once in a while I would hear him sing a few words to a song that was on and I would steal glances at his profile. As he sang along to John Mayer I looked at him and wanted to reach out and touch his hand. I almost did but I stopped myself. As I was looking he glanced over at me and smiled. If my heart could burst with emotion it would have right then. "Hey you." He said softly so only I could hear him. "Hey yourself." I said back just as soft. He looked back at the road and I leaned back in the seat and smiled the rest of the way there.  
  
It was one of the best days I had ever had. I felt like Eli and I were a couple. We went and watched the cider being made and then we all sampled the donuts and warm cider. I got powdered sugar on my face and Eli wiped it away letting his hand linger on my face. He took his thumb and lightly caressed my cheek for a second. When we went on the hayride Eli put his arms around my waist and lifted me up onto the wagon and then he sat next to me. His body so close to mine. I looked across from us at Jessie and Katie holding hands and I was jealous, I wanted to hold Eli's hand, I wanted that kind of love. For just a moment I had a bit of sadness that I was feeling so much love and longing for a person that would never feel the same for me but I decided to not let this bother me today. I was going to enjoy this wonderful day with Eli.  
  
As it started to get dark and chilly they started the huge Bon Fire. Katie and Jessie went for a walk so Eli and I each got hot chocolate with tons of whipped cream and went for a walk through the orchards. I can't really remember what we talked about really. I just remember the feelings that overwhelmed me. The smell of the wood from the Bon Fire and the apples on the trees. I remember feeling the leaves crunch beneath my feet and for a brief moment as we were walking our hands touched and he curled his fingers around mine. I was so shocked I stopped talking in the middle of a sentence and he let my fingers go. I should have just kept talking why did I stop? He told me about a song he had written and said that he would like me to be the first one to hear it. "Maybe when we get back you can come to the garage and I can play it for you." "I would like that Eli." I was glad to hear that he was writing again. It seemed that he had stopped really caring about his music since last summer. We stood there in the orchard just kind of smiling at each other. I noticed that he had some whipped cream on his lips and a thought came into my head. "I should just pull his head down to mine and lick that cream off his lips." I thought to myself. I felt the heat crawl up my cheeks as I blushed. Once again grateful for the dark.  
  
When we got home Jessie went right upstairs because she was so worn out from the day. Eli had not said anything else about me listening to his song so I started to head upstairs as well. I got about halfway there when he called to me. "Grace, Don't you want to hear my song?" I turned around. "Yeah I do but I thought you might be a little too tired." He laughed. "No not at all so why don't we grab a Coke and head to my room." "I'd like nothing better." I said as started back down the stairs. I sat on his bed next to him and listened as he played his song for me. "It's beautiful do you have any lyrics yet?" I asked him. "Yeah, I do but I am not ready to have people here them yet. It is still kinda raw." I thought back to the poems I had stashed away in my bottom dresser drawer and smiled. "I understand that, but can you tell me the name of the song?" " He shook his head again. "Sorry Grace no can do." "Ahhh a mystery man huh? I like that!" I said and giggled. Wait was that me? I don't giggle; I am not that type of girl. Hell I even have been known to snort when I laugh from time to time. That was strange. I lay back on his bed and he put the guitar down and lay next to me. We didn't really talk just lay there next to each other.  
  
I woke up with the sun streaming on my face. Eli next to me. A quick glance at my watch told me it was 6 am. I knew I should leave but I turned over on my side and looked at Eli for a second. His eyes were closed and his mouth was slightly open. I leaned over and brushed my lips softly against his. He stirred a little but did not wake up. I did it one more time and then got out of bed carefully. I tip toed to the door and turned around and looked at him once more. Good night Eli. I whispered before I left him. 


	5. Nice Jacket

~Thanks again guys! Love those reviews!! I finished my Summaries for Angel and Buffy so I am glad to have that off my chest! Now back to the story.  
  
That Sunday afternoon I didn't see Eli. He spent most of the day in his garage and I spent most of the day up in my room. I wanted to write about the night before and what it had meant to me. I didn't want to forget anything that happened and I especially did not want to forget the feeling I had waking up next to him. I felt like I could do that every day for the rest of my life. I know I am only 17 and I am not supposed to know what love is. For me it is just supposed to be puppy love but it is not the way I feel. When I am with Eli I don't ever want to be away from him and this is not something I decided one day. I did not wake up and decide I had a crush on him. It may have started that way but it grew into love a long time ago.  
  
As I sat next to Eli that night at dinner I felt his leg press against mine. I looked over at him and he smiled at me. I smiled back. Zoe was talking to Mom and Rick about her fun at Great America so they were not paying attention to us. But as we sat there smiling I felt someone else's eyes on us. I looked over at Jessie who was looking at us with the strangest look on her face. Eli and I were in the kitchen and he was unloading the dishes he had just asked me what time I left the garage this morning when Jessie walked in. "You spent the night with Eli?" She asked smiling slyly. Eli and I looked at each other. "Um, well it was not like it sounds." I said kind of stuttering. She crossed her arms and tilted her head to the side "No?" She asked, "Then what was it like?" She was trying not to laugh. I had turned bright red. I looked over at Eli "Well we were talking and.." He let the sentence trail off. "And what?" She asked a giggle escaping. "And I fell asleep that's it!" I said before quickly turning back to the sink. "So Eli did you fall asleep too?" Jessie was having way too much fun with this! "Well of course I did or I would have known when she left this morning." He answered before he headed out the door leaving me alone to talk to Jessie. The fink!!  
  
Jessie came over and started to help me with the dishes. "You know Jessie nothing is going on between us." I told her with my head down. "Hmmm well, that is a shame I think." She said casually. I looked over at her. "Why is it a shame?" She laughed, "Grace because you are in love with him," I started to protest and she shook her head. "There is no use in denying it. You have been in love with him for years and everyone in this house is too blind to even see it. Hell even Eli is to blind to see it. Your feelings for him are one of the reasons I didn't like you at first. I was jealous. Well that and you treated me kind of nasty at first." I put the glass I had in my hand down and turned to look at her head on. "Jessie I am sorry about that. I was having problems dealing with everything and I treated you badly. I really regret it. You have become a great friend to me now though." She smiled "I know Grace and we are more than friends we are sisters." "Yeah we are aren't we?" We hugged and then went back to the dishes. "You know Jessie? You are wrong about one thing, Eli knows how I feel about him I have told him before. I mean I never told him all my feelings but enough. He knows and he does not feel the same. I know he cares about me but I think that's all." "No he does not know your true feelings. He thinks you have a schoolgirl crush on him. I can tell. I also think he feels more for you then he is willing to admit. I have seen him with other girls but with you there is something different. Even different from Carla and he really loved her." I wanted to believe her more than anything in the world but I was scared to. I had been there before with my hopes sky high only to have them dashed once again. I didn't know how to respond and I was lucky because Zoe walked in looking for the brownies Mom had picked up at the bakery.  
  
That Monday afternoon I sat behind the counter at Booklovers tapping my pencil on my notebook thinking about what Jessie had said. I had agreed to work on Mondays and Fridays for Judy since she was so busy planning her wedding. I needed to get my mind off of what Jessie said and get this paper done but I did not see it happening. Eli was standing outside the store taking a break when I noticed Jeremy pull up. He went over and they talked for a few minutes. They both looked over at me through the window. I looked down at my notebook real fast and tried to look interested in it. Jeremy came in and looked around for a bit he then picked up a book and came over to the counter. "Hi Grace." I looked up. "Hey Jeremy." "I needed this for Mr. Bennington's class." He said placing the book on the counter. "That's good." I said ringing it up. "That's 7.50$" He dug in his pocket for the money. He placed it on the counter. I gave him his change and picked up my pencil to pretend to be working on my paper again. He just stood there. "What?" I asked. I had no patience for him. He broke up with me in the worst way. Called me up and said he thought it would be best if we broke up. That was it. To break up with someone on the phone is pretty rotten and even though I was not crazy about him it still hurt. "Can we talk for a little while?" He asked. "Why? You said all you had to say on the phone." "Come on Grace, I know the way I broke up with you was really rotten and I think we need to talk so can we? You have me begging!" He laughed. Eli just walked in so I asked him to cover for me. He looked from me to Jeremy and then back to me again. "Yeah I guess I can but not for long." "Thanks." I said as I headed out the door with Jeremy. Eli looking after us.  
  
We decided to go to the park down the block. When we got there we sat on the swings. "Okay, you wanted to talk so lets talk." I said and kicked my feet starting the swing "well it is really not my fault I broke up with you." He said. I had to laugh it was so stupid. "Not your fault? Excuse me? You were dating someone else 2 days later!" "Okay that is not how I planned to say it. Can we be honest with each other?" I looked over at him. "Yeah I hope so." He smiled "Good. The truth is you never really cared about me." I started to interrupt but he stopped me. "No don't let me say what I have to say. You liked me as a friend and we had fun but you never really cared about me. Not the way I wanted you to. You liked me and we had fun. A lot of fun but you are in love with someone else. I am not stupid. I saw you and Eli I know something was going on then and I know something is going on now." I shook my head. "No you are wrong there. Nothing is going on now. Nothing went on then." I started to cry. I don't know why I did but I did. "Don't cry Grace. I am sorry." He said looking uncomfortable the way boys do when you cry. "N-n-o J-j-jeremy d-d-on't be sorry. You are r-r-r- ight I-I-n a wa-a-ay."I stuttered through my tears. "I am in love with him but he does not love me." I told him the whole story. Why did I do that? I looked like a dope in front of him. After he calmed me down he gave me his jacket to wear because I was cold and walked me back to the store. In front of the store he hugged me. "I think you are wrong about Eli not caring. I mean look he is looking at us right now. Now smile and wave and go inside. I will see you at school tomorrow." He hugged me again and took off. When I got back into the store Eli gave me a dirty look. "What took you so long? You were gone 40 minutes!" He snapped. "I'm sorry we lost track of the time." I apologized. "Well I hope you got things straightened out because now I have to do MY work!" He walked off. I just stared after him.  
  
On the ride home he didn't talk to me. When we got to the house he leaned over and opened the door for me. "Tell Dad and Lily I am going to go to Mom's house and then go out. I don't know when or if I will be home tonight." I stepped out of the car and shut the door. I leaned over to thank him for the ride and to ask him what was wrong but he cut me off. "Nice Jacket!" He snapped before he sped off. I was left standing there in front of the house in shock. 


	6. Crushed Potato Chips

Why can't things ever stay good for Eli and I? I thought that we were making progress and then what happens? He gets mad at me for wearing a jacket. He did not come home that night Mom took us to school and picked us up. When I asked where Eli was Mom said he called Rick from Book Lovers to tell him he would not be home again today." Well he better be home by Thursday he promised to take us to the haunted house!" Zoe said. I turned around in my seat. "He has a life besides being our chauffer!" I snapped. "Geeze, get mad why don't ya?" She muttered but she picked up her book and started looking through it. "Grace there is no need to yell at your sister." Mom said. I turned the radio up so that I did not have to talk anymore.  
  
Wednesday and still no sign of Eli. I didn't eat much dinner because I was so upset. Jessie had talked to him and he told her he would be back on Thursday to go to the Haunted house. He would not tell her what was wrong but I knew of course. That night I lay on the couch in the family room watching an old horror film on TV. We had no school for the next two days because of teacher parent conferences so I decided to stay up and watch movies and be miserable. I like to wallow in self-pity sometimes. Think about it, do you know any teenage girl that doesn't? Anyway, there I was eating chips and watching the movie. The Bride of Frankenstein had just realized who her intended was and she started to scream when the back door slammed shut making me spill chips all over the floor. I got down on my knees to pick them up when Eli stumbled into the room. He went over to the couch and plopped down on it.  
  
I looked up at him from the floor. "Great Eli, why don't you wake up the whole house!" I snapped. We both were quiet for a second listening to see if he indeed had woken up the whole house. He hadn't. "Why are you kneeling on the ground picking up chips?" He asked. He was slurring his words and I realized he was drunk. "Well gee Eli, I thought to myself.why not have some fun and throw chips on the floor and then pick them up. Doesn't that sound fun to you?" I said sarcastically. He pointed his finger at me "You missy are being sarcastic aren't you?" "And you are drunk. Is this what you have been doing since Monday? Getting drunk?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe, and if so who cares?" "Well I think Rick would care." I said and continued to pick up the chips.  
  
He slid down next to me and started helping me with the mess on the floor. "Well he isn't going to find out now is he?" I looked at him, his face inches from mine. I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "No he is not going to find out. I won't tell him don't worry." "I noticed you didn't say you would care." He said. "Care about you being drunk? Why should I? You do what you want with your life. I have never been a concern in that so why should I start being one now?" I went to get up and he grabbed my hand and pulled me back down to the floor. "What are you talking about?" he asked. "Well let's see here. You disappear for days because you are mad at me. Do you bother to ask me about it? No you just get mad at me and that is it. You could have come into the house and we could have talked about it. Instead you drive off in a huff over something so little. You tell me you want to be friends but we are not friends Eli. Friends talk to each other, they are honest with each other." He sat there for a second just looking at me. "We are honest with each other." He said and looked down at his hand still holding tight onto mine. "When Eli? When are we honest with each other?" He looked back at me, into my eyes. "Right now." He said leaning over and kissing me. He pulled me to him and started kissing me hard. He would pull away for a second to catch his breath and then start again. We fell back on the floor the chip bowl tipping over again. He pulled back and looked at the chips on the floor and laughed. I grabbed his head and pulled him back to me kissing him deeper. His hands were sliding up under my shirt and I wanted him to go on touching me more. He started kissing my neck and I held his head there. Loving the feel of him so close. I heard myself saying his name again like I did the last time and I waited for him to stop but he didn't. He began to repeat my name over and over again. It hit me then, really hit me that he was drunk. He was doing this because he was drunk and there would be no consequences to what we do. I pushed him away then. "No Eli, you are drunk we need to stop this right now." I could hear my voice and I knew I didn't sound like I wanted him to stop. He looked down at me, his cheeks red. "Why? Isn't this what you wanted was for me to be honest?" He asked, though pulled away anyway. "What I wanted was for us to talk. Eli this isn't you being honest. This is you being drunk, lonely and maybe even a little jealous but not honest." "What exactly do you want from me Grace? I see you giving me these longing looks. I know that you want to be with me. I have known since the first time we met." "Yeah maybe I have but not like this." I got up from the floor straightening my shirt. "I think what you need to do right now is go and lay down." I said. He nodded as he got to his feet. "I think you are right but I think I need to get to the bathroom first. I am not feeling to good." He was looking kind of green I noticed before he ran out of the room. I heard him throwing up in the bathroom. Icky, lucky I stopped him when I did. I went upstairs leaving the chips on the floor. I was too tired to mess with them right now.  
  
"Happy Halloween!!!" Zoe yelled as she opened the door to my room. I jumped up. I had been awake just thinking about last night and she scared me to death. "Zoe knock before you come in here next time!" I yelled. "Geeze, Grace sorry just wanted to say good morning." She started to leave but I felt kind of guilty so I let her stay. We talked about going to the Haunted House and she asked me to go. "If Eli still feels like taking you then I will go." I said getting out of bed. "Why would he not feel like going?" She asked rather concerned. I guess at her age these kinds of things are still important. "Never mind Zoe I am sure he will be fine." "Cool," she said getting up off the bed. "I am gonna go and work on my costume but I would stay away from mom for now." "Why?" I asked looking at myself in the mirror. I noticed a mark on my neck from Eli. Just what I needed a hickey. I put my robe on and wrapped it around me tight pulling up the collar. Zoe watched me do all this not saying a word. She decided to ignore it. "She was cleaning up the family room and she was not happy. When I came up stairs she was mumbling something about crushed potato chips." Zoe said as she shrugged her shoulders and shut the door. "Crushed potato chips." I said to myself and laughed as I went and plopped back down on the bed. 


	7. Halloween

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror trying to get rid of the hickey. I had tried the toothpaste trick, which did not work so my last hope was the cold spoon, which did nothing but make my neck cold. Why did I not own any turtlenecks? "Oh screw it! I give up." I said to myself in the mirror. I went down stairs to face the world. Mom was in the kitchen with Judy drinking caffeine free coffee and eating cheese Danish. "Well if it isn't sleeping beauty." Mom said and laughed. I opened the fridge and got some orange juice pouring it into a glass. "Mom!! I can't find my hat for my costume come and help!" Zoe called. Mom put her cup down and heaved her self up. It takes some work to get up now that she has started to really show. "I will be glad when this holiday is over with so that we can not have to worry about this anymore. She is driving me insane." Mom said as she walked out of the room.  
  
Judy sat there holding her cup of coffee looking at me. "What?" I asked taking a drink of my juice. She smiled " Well it seems someone has a boyfriend." "I don't know what you are talking about." I said acting very nonchalant. She shrugged "Well Gracie, I know you didn't give yourself a hickey." I put my hand to my neck. "It is nothing really. Just a little harmless teenage fun." I had always been able to confide in Judy but for some reason I didn't feel like I could this time. Maybe because Eli worked for both Dad and Judy. Plus, he was family. There were just too many things to make this complicated. I felt that I could not tell her. "You know that I am here for you if you ever want to talk to me. I think I understand you pretty well." "I know Judy, it's just that I am not even sure what is going on and until I know I don't think I can talk to anyone about it. This is so complicated and everyday things change. I don't know where I stand." I came over and sat down in the space mom had vacated. Judy nodded. "I can understand that. With Sam I never knew where I stood. Truthfully I think it was this whole Australia deal falling through and me being there for him that really made Sam decide he wanted to marry me." I shook my head. "No, Judy he loved you all along." I told her. She nodded "Oh I know that he loved me. That is why he wanted me with him. The thing is when the deal fell through and he and Rick did not know what they were going to do I helped him. I was there when he needed me and he realized that he would need me to be there with him always. That was the deciding factor." "Well you are lucky Judy to have someone that really loves you." I said feeling the same kind of envy I felt for Jessie and Katie. She reached across the table and took my hand. "You know what Grace?" "No what?" I asked and smiled. "There is someone out there for you. Someone who will love you for the wonderful girl you really are." I laughed at that. "Come on Judy look at me!" "Grace I am looking at you. You are a beautiful girl. Why you don't realize it I will never know." I shook my head. "No, Jessie is beautiful and Mom is. Zoe will be when she gets older and you are too." I said looking down at the table. This time Judy laughed. "You know something? I didn't think I was beautiful until recently. I grew up with your mom for God's sake! Talk about having an inferiority complex. Lily was the perfect one. I know better now. She was struggling the same as me. She just did it in her own way." "Yeah maybe." I let my sentence trail off. "Grace, look at me." I did. "As I was saying, there is someone out there that will love you for who you are. He will love the fact that you read plays and books all the time. He will love the way your whole face lights up when you smile and he will love you."  
  
The door opened then and Eli walked in. He wore a t-shirt and a pair of sweats. He walked into the kitchen very slowly and went to the fridge. Judy looked at me and laughed. "So Eli did you have a fun night last night?" She asked trying not to laugh. He came out of the fridge with a bottle of water. He leaned against the counter. "Well parts of it were really nice." He looked at me and held my gaze. I tried to look away but I couldn't. He then looked back at Judy. "But it ended kinda shitty." He took a drink of his water. Judy looked at him and then looked over at me. "I see," she stood up. "Well I think this is me making my grand exit." She bent down and hugged me then went over and hugged Eli before she left the kitchen to find mom.  
  
"Good going Eli." I said. He shrugged. "Hey I was just being honest. That is important right?" he said sarcastically. I stood up and walked over to him. "Well while you were being so honest last night you gave me this!" I touched my neck to show him the hickey. He smiled and laughed a little. "Really? Pretty good work if I do say so myself." "No! Not good work Eli. How am I going to explain this?" He reached out and touched my neck his fingers gently stroking the mark. He then put the water bottle down and took my face in his hands. "I could explain it if you want." He said softly before brushing his lips against mine. "Think that would work?" He whispered kissing me again. "No not at all." I whispered back falling into his kiss. "Hey guys, Lily is on her way down stairs with Zoe." Jessie said from the doorway. We jumped apart. "Thanks Jess." Eli said as he headed for the door. "See you later Grace." He smiled and walked out. "Well, well, well." Jessie said and laughed. "Doesn't feel the same huh?" "Hey maybe I was wrong." I shrugged smiling like and idiot.  
  
Why was I happy for that kiss? I was going to have to face the fact that we were treading on dangerous ground here. Even if Eli did feel something for me what good was it going to do us? I had been so busy thinking about him and what he felt for me I really did not spend the time I should have thinking about our family and how they would react. Soon we were going to be sharing a brother or sister. Things are so complicated and seemed to be getting more so every day.  
  
Jessie and Katie had made plans to go to a party that one of Katie's friends was throwing. Mom and Rick had to go to a party that was being given by one of his new clients in the city so that meant that it would be me, Eli and Zoe. Zoe waited by the bottom of the stairs in her costume. She was dressed as a witch. I sat on the stairs listening to her talk about the candy that she had gotten earlier when she went trick or treating. She had waffled back and forth about going trick or treating this year. First we had to hear how grown up she was and then we had to hear about lack of candy if she didn't go. I think Zoe finally gave in because she wanted that candy more than she wanted to be grown up. I wish life were as simple as deciding whether or not to go trick or treating or not. On cue Eli walked in. "Ready ladies?" he asked a huge smile on his face. "Ready!" Zoe said. I nodded and stood up. "I'm ready too." "Hey this should be fun! Aren't you all ready to be scared?" Eli asked as we walked to the car. "Oh yeah I am thrilled." I rolled my eyes. He laughed and opened the car door for me. He had never done that before. This could be a fun night after all.  
  
Eli reached out and grabbed my hand in the darkness of the car. He held it the whole drive to the haunted house. He also held it in the dark of the haunted house. I could feel my hand sweating and when I tried to let go to wipe it off he just held it tighter. As soon as we stepped out of the house and back into the cool night air he dropped my hand so that Zoe wouldn't see. "Let's go to Baskin Robbins and get sundaes!!" Zoe begged. Zoe's friend was there and she wanted to go home with her and spend the night. I called Mom on her cell phone and she said it was okay with her. After they assured us that Zoe could borrow some of her friend's clothes to sleep in and wear tomorrow we took our sundaes and went home.  
  
We didn't say much in the car on the drive home and he didn't hold my hand because I was holding the ice cream. When we got out of the car he asked if I wanted to come into the garage with him and listen to music. "We can eat the ice cream in there." He said. I tried to act cool about it. I shrugged my shoulders. "Sure sounds nice." He lit the jack-o-lantern he and turned on the radio. We sat next to each other on the floor, listening to the music and eating our ice cream. I looked up at him and he had whipped cream on his lip again just like he did that night in the orchard. I set my ice cream down and took his away from him and placed it next to mine. I got up on my knees and moved closer to him, placing my hands on his face. He looked into my eyes as I lowered my mouth to his, slowly licking the whipped cream off his lips. He didn't move just let me do what I wanted. I grew bolder, kissing him harder and deeper. He tasted like chocolate and cherries and his lips felt so full against mine. Finally Eli started to run his hands over my body as I slid mine under his shirt, touching his stomach and chest. I reached down and pulled his shirt up and he let go of me for a moment to let me pull the shirt over his head.  
  
I gently pushed him down to the floor and pulled my own shirt off, laying on top of him and feeling his hot skin against mine. "Grace, are you sure you want this? Don't you want to talk about it?" He asked between kisses even as his hands undid my bra. I looked into his eyes. "Eli, there are only two things I have ever really wanted in my life and this is one of them. More than anything I want you right now and I don't care about tomorrow or even an hour from now. " "I want you to Grace, I have for a long time." We slowly stood up and undressed each other before we lay down on the bed. And there as Sheryl Crow's song "I shall believe" played on the radio I lost my virginity to Eli. As I lay in his arms just before he fell asleep he whispered to me "I love you." "What?" I whispered back but he had already fallen asleep, I could hear his breathing in the darkness. A tear slid softly down my cheek. 


	8. Everything Wonderful

~* I wanted to thank you all for the reviews. This was my first attempt at Fan fiction and you guys have made it fun. This is the last chapter of this story. I may do a sequel a little later. I hope you enjoy the chapter and thanks again! :o)  
  
When I opened my eyes in the morning Eli was on his side looking down at me. He smiled and brushed the hair away from my face. "Good morning." He said. I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. What do you say to someone the morning after? I just did not know how to react. I looked at my watch, 6 am. "Well, look at the time." I said as I reached over the side of the bed grabbing my shirt. Eli laughed. "Yeah look at the time!" I pulled my shirt over my head and got out of bed looking for the rest of my clothing. "I think I better head back to the house before anyone finds out about this. It doesn't look to good to have me coming out of the garage now does it?" I yanked up my jeans grabbed the rest of my clothes and started out the door. Eli got out of bed and started towards me. He wasn't wearing anything and I looked away from him. "Grace.." "Look Eli, I really have to go." I said and left.  
  
I was about to sneak in the back door when I noticed mom was in the kitchen so I went around the front and snuck in. As I was creeping up the stairs Jessie came down from the attic. "What are you doing sneaking in here in the morning? Is that your bra you are holding?" Her mouth then dropped open as she realized what happened. "Grace you didn't?" She asked then she answered herself "Oh my God you did!!" She put her hand to her mouth. I grabbed her arm and dragged her into my bedroom. "Jessie why don't you announce at breakfast?" I asked shutting the door behind us! "You said it loud enough." She looked to be a little in shock as she went over and sat on my bed. "So how did this happen?" I came over and sat down next to her. "I don't know. We were in his room and we were talking and then I just kinda lost it." She looked at me. "Kinda lost it?" I looked down ay my feet. "Well he had whipped cream on his lips and I licked it.." "Whoa! You can stop right there. I get the picture!" She held up her hand. I couldn't help it I started to laugh. I laughed so hard that I started to cry and then I couldn't stop. Jessie took me in her arms and hugged me while I cried. I don't even know why I cried. I guess I was just so confused. I had wanted this more than anything and once it happened I got scared.  
  
"So what is it that scares you so much?" She asked. "He told me he loved me Jessie. Why did he do that?" She smiled. "Maybe because he does." She answered as if I should have realized it. I shook my head. "No, I think he felt like he had to say it." "Look, I know my brother and he would not have said it if he did not mean it. Come on Grace have some faith in yourself." She got up. "I am gonna leave you to think about things a little bit. I think you should talk to Eli though." She shook her head. "You and Eli!! Boy are things gonna change around here." She said as she exited my room. "Yeah but not in a good way." I said to myself. Mom and Rick would not be throwing any parties if this got out. They would be pretty pissed. Not that I would blame them. I mean how would I act if I were in their place? Pretty much the same way.  
  
As I stood in the shower I went over what I was going to say to Eli. "Eli, having sex with you was really fun and I think we must do it again sometime. Don't you agree?" I laughed when I heard myself say that one. That was not the one to use. How about "Eli, You are a man among men want to have sex again?" Ha ha ha! I think not. I could just be honest with him. "Eli, I love you and I have no idea where we go from here but can we see together?" I said that one softy perhaps too close to the truth. Just then the shower door opened and Eli slid in next to me completely nude. "What are you doing here?" I asked him trying to cover myself and then realizing after last night that was just silly. He looked up and down my body and then smiled. "You think I was gonna let you just sneak out this morning without a good bye kiss?" He asked. I smiled and slid my arms around his neck bringing his head down to mine. "I think you want more than a good bye kiss." I said before I kissed him nice and hard. Hmmm what a good way to get the morning started.  
  
At breakfast Jessie looked from me to Eli and giggled. "Boy that bathroom was really crowded today." She said. Eli glared at her and I looked down at my oatmeal to hide my blushing face. Mom and Rick were discussing the addition of the new nursery for the baby and were not paying attention to us in the least. Eli and I did not have to be at work until 3 so we sat with Jessie in the family room watching a marathon of " My So Called Life" on MTV. Eli and I sat near each other but not too close and he would hold my hand from time to time. When Jessie went to call Katie we kissed for a while but stopped as soon as we heard Zoe bang into the house. We didn't really talk about last night at all. On the drive to Book Lovers he held my hand and sang to the music on the radio. Again we didn't talk. I wanted to but did not know what to say.  
  
As I sat behind the counter watching Eli stock the shelves. When I worked here last summer I loved to just watch Eli as he worked. I loved the way he moved and the earnest look he would get on his face. Watching him sent flashes of last night and this morning into my mind. I could feel the heat rising on the back of my neck. Just then he looked over at me and smiled. I smiled back. I could pass off last night as a onetime thing. The heat of the moment and all that but there was no way I could brush off this morning. Eli climbing in the shower with me was different. Okay, it was fun but so stupid. What was he thinking? That was just dangerous. We could have gotten caught. I had to leave and then he had to wait ten minutes and leave. Rick could have seen us. What was I thinking? I went right along with him. But when he was there with me I was thinking and that was the problem. That and the fact that we didn't talk about what happened. He didn't say he loved me again. Maybe because he didn't? I wanted to just scream. "Do you really love me Eli??" At the top of my lungs but that would not go over very well.  
  
We were silent on the drive home. The radio was not even on. I looked out into the dark night at all the houses with the lights on. Families living their lives and wondered if any of them were like us. Perhaps living in a loud crazy blended family like ours. If any of them were like Eli and I? Caught up in a crazy relationship like ours. It was only 10:30 when we got home and I hoped that mom and Rick would be awake. If they were then there would be no confusion about what Eli and I were going to do. We would eat and then he would go to his garage. When we walked into the kitchen they were already upstairs. Mom left a note telling us there was Chinese take out in the oven. "I don't know about you Grace but I am starved!" Eli said grabbing a big bowl and throwing all the food in it. "Lets warm this all up grab some soda and go eat in the garage." He winked at me as he put the egg rolls and dim sum on top of the rest of the food. I walked over to the cabinet next to him to grab the soy sauce and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him. He kissed me and I realized that there was no way I was going to put up any resistance. I may have entertained the thought for a few minutes but the truth was I wanted to spend time with him and there was nothing that would change that. So I knew I was going to go and eat with him and if he wanted me to stay with him most of the night I knew I would do that too.  
  
We sat on his bed finishing up the food and talking about nothing and everything. He wanted to know where I planned to go to school and when I told him I was hoping to get accepted to North Western he seemed happy. "That's really close." I nodded and finished my egg roll. "Yeah most of the schools I applied to were pretty close." "Good. I want you as close to here as possible." Eli said licking the sauce off his fingers. I tilted my head. "Why Eli?" He shrugged "Why do you think Grace?" I frowned. "I don't know." He laughed, "Okay then I will tell you. It is because I love you. I don't want to think about you being far away." "Don't say that!" I snapped. He looked shocked. "Why Grace? Do you not love me?" I sighed. "Of course I love you. I have loved you since I first saw you I think. The thing is you don't have to tell me that you love me because we are sleeping together. Or slept together or whatever we are doing." He took my face in his hands. "Is that what you think? That I told you I love you because we made love?" I nodded. "Grace don't you know me at all? I have slept with more than my fare share of girls and I have only really loved two. You and Carla and what I feel for you can not come close to what I felt for Carla." I broke away from him and stood up. "I know that. Carla was the love of your life and I am her replacement." The tears started to fall and I decided that I was not going to deal with this now. It was too much. I started out the door and he grabbed my arm and turned me around. "I didn't mean it like that. You misunderstood. I love you more than I ever loved Carla." He eyes grew moist. "Don't you realize that Grace? Don't you?" I shook my head dumbfounded. He ran his hand through his hair. "I am so in love with you I can't think straight. I think about you all the time. When we are not near each other I feel like part of me is missing. I love everything about you. Your smile and your voice even your temper." I laughed at that. "Do you think I want this? Do you know how hard it has been for me to want to be with you and not to be able to?" "But Eli, I thought only I felt that way." He pulled me to him and just held me. "I have wanted to be with you since Dad and Lily's wedding. Look at me." I looked up at him. "Grace Manning, I am head over heels in love with you. I don't know what is going to happen in the future but I do know that at this moment you are my future. Do you understand that?" I nodded "Yes Eli and you are mine." I said between my sniffles. "But what about mom and Rick?" His face darkened for a second and I could tell that he was just as nervous about them finding out as I was. It did not matter what he said it still worried him. He shrugged then "Who cares. What matters right now is that you and I are together. We will deal with the rest some other time." He then kissed me and it was a kiss full of promise. He was right. I knew now that Eli loved me and that made everything wonderful. 


End file.
